I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
