he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How does it feel to date your dad?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
