I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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