I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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