dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
time to smoke my breakfast
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
