if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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