question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
