Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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