i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
