I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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