Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
