are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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