i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
