you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
