He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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