I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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