Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
