I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
