Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
