i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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