i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
