Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
