Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize