New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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