did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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