Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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