I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
