the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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