Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can I color on your dick again?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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