Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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