i just wanna soil my oats bro
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
