so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize