is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
