Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
