She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize