Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
