I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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