We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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