i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
