Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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