i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I believe in your delicious
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
