Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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