Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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