Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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