On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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