On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
