I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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