the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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