So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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