well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize