It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Welp...herpes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
