Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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