tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize