This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
