im six kinds of drunk right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
