Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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