How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
