I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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