she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
