you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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