I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
