me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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