Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
