I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
