well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
