did you get engaged???
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize