I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So much rum. So many feels.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
