i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
