i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
