so explain again why im purple
no
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
