well you can't waste a boner
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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