did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
