Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
