I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
