Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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