I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
