there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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