when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
