Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
