Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
