Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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