so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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